Always the single friend
For as long as you can remember, you have always been the single friend.
You went to school dances with your buddies, never got invited to double dates, and always showed up to couple’s dinners alone.
Maybe you fell in love with your best friend in high school but didn’t know how to tell your friend you liked her?
Whatever the case, the fact that you have never been in a relationship may or may not have bothered you back then.
However, as you get older and more is expected of you, it becomes harder to ignore the reality of your uneventful love life.
And here you are, now, in a sort of emotional crisis.
Reasons why people are single
You are probably thinking to yourself,
“There is something wrong with me because I have never been in a relationship.”
“Is it normal to never have been in a serious relationship?”
Well, honey, it’s perfectly normal! And not having a remarkable dating history does not mean that there is anything wrong with you!
A lot of factors play a role here.
Sometimes it is terrible timing when the opportunity came up when too much else was going on in your life. Other times, you still hadn’t built up enough confidence to go after what you wanted. It could also be that you have been healing from some old wound.
Below, we’ll look at some of the most common reasons people stay single. Perhaps you’ll recognize yourself in some of them!
They’re too picky
One of the most common reasons people choose to stay single is that they are picky. When standards are too high, it’s hard to find someone who will easily fit you and your expectations of a partner. Many choose to stay single until they find the right person and refuse to settle for anything less.
Religious beliefs or influence
Strict religious parents can also be why people choose to stay single or go on just a few dates without ever developing a deeper connection. Religious families often pass down or impose strict values when it comes to dating and love. Some of us don’t even have or know about the possibility of dating, let alone sexual relations before marriage. Staying single is a powerful mechanism for preserving virginity.
Unfortunately, many people who avoid getting romantically involved do so because of the previous sexual, mental, physical, and emotional trauma they have experienced while growing up.
Many fear that physical contact may trigger old memories and open sore wounds from which they’ve been trying to heal. Also, being raised in an abusive, dysfunctional marriage or within a bad relationship can be why people don’t date. They simply don’t want history to repeat.
Some people enjoy the single life
Not everyone wants to be in a relationship – some people are perfectly fine on their own! They don’t particularly feel attracted to others or need to be in a romantic relationship. This may be temporary, for example, while they are extremely focused on their studies or career, or it might be a permanent state. It really depends on the individual – some people simply don’t look at love in the same way the rest of us do.
Disappointment in modern romance
Another reason why people stay single is that they believe romance is dead! In a world where even love is digitized and choosing a partner is rendered to a swipe, it seems like good old courtship and lovemaking are dead. Many people are simply not ready to give up on meeting someone random at the bar and start looking for a partner through a dating app.
Fear of rejection
Others simply dread rejection. If their confidence levels are low and shaky, they fear being dumped, rejected, or even made fun of. By staying single, they are trying to protect their feelings, even though they probably crave love as much as anyone else. Fear can be a paralyzing thing.
Fear of commitment
Having said that, fear of commitment can be a big hurdle in a person’s dating life. When a guy or a gal is aware of their commitment issues and their inability for emotional connection, they often choose not to get involved with anyone to protect the other party. It’s a noble move since they are trying their best not to hurt anybody by giving them false hope and then breaking their hearts.
Tips for people who have never had a relationship before
If you have decided that you are finally ready to start dating and this is your time to find love, here are a few tips to help you get out of your rut.
Figure out what is holding you back
If you have never dated before, there is probably a good reason behind it. Maybe it is because you suffer from cripplingly low self-esteem. It could be that you have been hurt in the past and are afraid of history repeating itself. Maybe you just never saw the need to put yourself out there.
Understanding what has been holding you back is important when it comes to moving on. It allows you to take a more targeted approach to ensure that you get to where you want to be in your love life a lot faster.
Dating someone who has never been in a relationship might sound weird for some people, but you should know that it concerns more people than you think!
Consider seeing a therapist
The mind is a tricky thing. You’ve spent so much time convincing yourself that you are single because there is something wrong with you. Well, let me tell you – there isn’t.
But if you can’t get to the bottom of things by yourself, it’s best if you seek professional help. Instead of bottling down the problem and replaying harmful (and usually untrue) thoughts in your head like a broken record, try to open up to someone skillful in helping people.
A therapist will guide you through the process of self-discovery and realization of the underlying issues that are holding you back and keeping you from a fulfilled romantic life.
Another option is group therapy, where you can exchange experiences with other people and realize you are not alone.
Let go of the past
Maybe you grew up in a broken home and never really saw what true love looks like. Or maybe you had your heart broken by someone you thought you had a chance with.
Whatever your history has on you, you need to let go if you want to have any hopes of having a relationship. That will help you learn how to trust and free fall – love doesn’t happen any other way.
Get out of your comfort zone
Sticking to your comfort zone has not worked for you so far. So maybe it is time to try something different?
Get a new hobby that exposes you to a new group of people. Start getting more involved in projects around you that physically get you out of your comfort zone.
In short, just do things differently. You do not have to hang up your introvert flag to do this, but the effort will make a difference in your life.
Work on your self-confidence
One of the main reasons so many people remain single for long is because they don’t think they deserve love. Sound familiar?
If this is you, you need to understand that you deserve love and happiness just as much as the next guy. And don’t you ever forget that. Work on loving yourself and building your confidence. When you know what you want, believe that you deserve it, and have the guts to go for it.
If you struggle with insecurities like balding hair, then consider talking to your doctor about hair loss treatments. If adult acne is harming your confidence, browse the internet for the latest trends in skincare. Tackling your insecurities head-on will do wonders for your self-esteem.
Focus on self-growth
Sometimes, all you need to do to find love is stop looking for it. Just take time to work on yourself:
- Reconnect with old friends
- Meet new people
- Work on your career
- Get healthy
- Go back to school
As you do all this, you will build up your confidence greatly. It is also a way of getting out into the world. Who knows? You might find your first romantic partner at that gym you joined or that crafts class you enrolled in.
Put yourself out there
Chasing after love is a bad idea because people can “smell” despair.
But you can’t also expect love to come knocking on your door, even though Hollywood will make you believe otherwise! Like with everything else in life, finding the one takes effort and, most of all, exposure. You have to put yourself out there, no matter how hard it seems at first.
There are many ways to increase your chances of finding a date, from visiting the local bar more often and joining a sports club to speed dating and online dating apps.
There are all sorts of platforms, from niche sites that cater to specific lifestyles to endless options, promising variety, and lots of choices. Some people really find true love on dating apps.
You can also ask your friends or colleagues to set you up with a nice person they know well and trust.
You never know; your true love may be waiting for you just outside the walls of your comfort zone!
A few encouraging things to remember
Age is not crucial
If you feel disappointed or as if you are not living your best life, you are not alone!
Whether you are still finding yourself in your twenties or pushing 30+, the sooner you realize age is just a number, the sooner you’ll start enjoying life.
“You should be thinking about marriage….”
“… don’t you want children?”
“No one wants to grow old without a family….”
Pressure seems to be coming from every direction – parents, family, friends, coworkers…
However… You are the only one who knows what’s best for you. The power over your life belongs solely to you.
Remember, we all have our own pace at which we do things, including dating and serious relationships. Some people find true love in their teenage years, and others meet their soulmates in their 50s.
Love is beautiful at any age!
The past doesn’t dictate the future
Led by previous painful events and deeply traumatic experiences, many people dread starting a real relationship or getting married. They are simply terrified that history is going to repeat itself.
The thing is, history may shape your future, but it can’t dictate it. Your past can’t tell you which path to take, even though it can and should serve as a guiding light.
As we already said, you are the captain of this boat, and you decide in which direction it’s going to sail.
Life has someone special in store for you
In a way, it’s a matter of faith! Love eventually finds everyone, unless you really don’t want to get hit by that Cupid’s arrow!
Some say that the more you chase it, the harder it gets to catch it. So, why don’t you change the game? Simply let go and surrender to the flow. Whatever happens, happens!
Let love find you! We believe in the power of manifestation!
Give an occasional second chance
I’m not saying everyone deserves a do-over, but it’s good to give some people a second chance, even though you didn’t hit it off the first time you met.
Some of us suck at first dates, and that’s a fact. But given a chance, people will leave you speechless if you allow them to be themselves.
Someone who wasn’t an obvious choice may turn out to be a great fit and exactly who you were looking for!
Stay open, and you may as well find true love!
Is love really in the cards for you?
“I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I’m not sure it is in the cards for me.”
Yes, it is! That old saying that there is someone for everyone is not a load of bull. It is as true as relationship advice can get. So work on yourself, live your best life, and do not be afraid to take the leap of faith and put yourself out there.