When the love bug bites
Falling in love with your best friend can go one of two ways. It could be a dream scenario straight out of a Hollywood movie that ends in a beautiful relationship. Or it could end up being a nightmare on Awkward Street if your best friend doesn’t feel the same way.
Either way, if you find yourself in this predicament, you will realize pretty fast that taking the risk is better than suffering in silence. How you choose to deliver this potential friendship shattering news makes all the difference.
But you probably have no clue how to tell your best friend you’re in love with her, huh? Don’t worry, we have your back! Below is all you need to know about telling her the right way.
First, should you confess your feelings?
Should I tell my friend I like her? Unfortunately, there is no one size fits all type of answer for this question.
Whether you should confess your feelings really depends on many factors, from the nature of your friendship to how long you have known each other, and whether or not they may feel the same for you.
You have to weigh the pros and cons of telling your friend about your feelings and not. On the one hand, you do not want to keep struggling with the huge, all-consuming secret. And yes, we understand that keeping something that huge can be torture.
On the other hand, it could ruin everything and turn what was once a beautiful friendship into an awkward mess.
So, should I tell my best friend I like her?
The best answer is that it depends on what you are more prepared to live with. Would you rather have the pain of living with the secret and the torture of “what if?”
Or would you rather take the risk of spoiling a good thing and the awkwardness of unrequited love?
If you feel that your friendship is strong and mature enough to weather the worst, there is no reason to continue suffering by keeping it to yourself.
Secondly, do you think the relationship could work?
You like her, and you think she likes you back.
But now what?
It is crucial to understand that just because you like your friend, and they feel the same, it does not mean that you are guaranteed a happily ever after ending. There is so much more to a relationship than mutual attraction and interest.
In fact, it is the poor grasp on how to make the relationship work after the confession that is a bigger threat to your friendship than actually coming clean about your feelings.
Before you make a grand gesture of confessing your love to your bestie, take the time to figure out whether the two of you are a good match. This is not just about mutual goals and interests but also about where you are in your lives.
If one of you is in a settling phase of life and the other is all about fun without commitments, you will have many problems. It could be any number of differences from career levels and aspirations to personal beliefs and relationship expectations.
If you are not on the same page or at the very least headed there, it is probably best to hold off until you get there to avoid dooming your relationship to failure from the start.
How to tell a friend you like her
You’ve weighed your options as well as all logistic factors, and telling her seems like the best decision. The next step is figuring out how to tell a girl you like her without ruining the friendship.Here are a few tips that should maximize your chances of success, whatever the outcome.
Find the right timing and setting
Should I tell my friend I like her? Is the timing, right? Is she available? These are crucial questions to ask yourself.
I mean, obviously, it would be wholly inappropriate to tell her when she is in a relationship. The choice of timing will seriously affect the outcome, so be careful about it.
The setting also matters a lot. Doing it in places that mean something special to the two of you could increase her chances of responding positively.
Gauge her feelings towards you
Before you go blurting it out, try and figure out whether or not she would be receptive to such a revelation.
How does she relate with you? Has she ever referred to you as just a brother? Has she ever completely negatively overreacted when someone assumed you were a couple?
Start by paying attention to how she behaves when you’re together. Do you catch her looking at you? Does she laugh at your jokes even when they’re not that funny? Does she blush when you enter the room or start talking to her? These may be a sign that she has a crush on you! (Don’t jump to any conclusions yet, though. There is a big difference between crush and love.)
Analyzing your relationship will help guide you on whether or not to break the news to her. Needless to say, if the forecast seems dismal, then it might be harder for you if you choose to proceed with ‘Project Open-Heart.’
Test her with some subtle moves
If your history (or present) doesn’t give you enough clues, you may have to set things in motion yourself. Teasing her and initiating delicate contact could help you figure things out. Try to be affectionate and loving.
That is, of course, assuming that your relationship doesn’t already include flirty touching.
If she seems to welcome you playing with her hair or leaning on her shoulder, then maybe things will turn out great. And if they thought at least, you will go into the reveal with some confidence, albeit unfounded.
Bring up the conversation hypothetically
“Imagine if you and I dated, that would be interesting, right?”
It is a safe way to play it, but it works. Think of it as a test run with a safety net and a bunch of airbags. Just don’t be too forward about it to the point where you make her suspicious.
Find a way to bring in a bogus scenario of the two of you together and listen to her reaction. You could even make up a story about some friend or cousin of yours who fell in love with their best friend and see what she feels about it.
Have someone else do it
If the thought of facing your best friend is too daunting, then have someone else to it. If you have a mutual friend you can trust with this, you can come up with a wise way to have the news delivered.
One way to do it would be to have someone tease your girl BFF about how the two of you would be great together. You could also get someone to tell her that you like her, but in a maybe-he-does-maybe-he-doesn’t kind of way to be safe.
Let it all out
It’s a big day. You did your hair all nice, wore your best cologne, and are ready to pour hour heart out. Make sure that when you get to her, you leave nothing inside. Tell her not just that you love her but also why, for how long and what you would hope. It might be the only chance you get to make your case, so do yourself some justice.
Prepare yourself for any outcome
Remember that this could go either well or poorly. I have heard many “I love you, but I’m not in love with you“ stories in my life.
A part of preparing to tell her is acknowledging and accepting this fact. That way, you will be able to find smart ways to do it and move on afterward.
Do not put her under pressure
When figuring out how to tell your best friend you like her, it is vital to avoid ultimatums or exceeding expectations. You do not want her to feel under any pressure. And while it is essential to state what you would like to come out of you acknowledging your feelings, you need to let her know that she can do whatever she wants, and you will be ok with it.
Give her time and space to process
The final tip on how to tell a friend you like her is to back off. Whether or not she feels the same way, she will need time to take it all in. Let her. And when she is ready to give you her response, be warm and open.
All the best!