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Why Am I Not Affectionate? Here’s How To Be More Loving In a Relationship

Being in a beautiful and healthy relationship is one of the best feelings in the world. It’s like instantly everything in your life changes and becomes so much more fun and fulfilling. However, if you do not put in the work, this feeling goes as fast as it comes.

To keep things going in a positive direction, you need to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. It is not enough to tell them what they mean to you. You need to prove it with your actions.

So how exactly do you turn your unromantic self into the stuff of fairytale dreams? Let’s take a look at some ways you can start expressing affection now!

First, what is affection in a relationship?

The word affection is one that is used quite a lot when it comes to love and relationships. But what does it really mean? What is it? And most importantly, how do we show it?

In simple terms, affection is both a feeling and a set of actions. It is a feeling of love and fondness towards someone. This makes you not only want the best for them but also want to be closer to them, both physically and emotionally. It is also the actions that are inspired by this feeling that are your way of showing just how much the person means to you.

How to be more loving and affectionate to your partner

By definition, affection only counts if it is expressed. Therefore, it should be a priority to show your beau that you truly care about them. Fortunately, if you are genuine about how you feel, then being affectionate should come pretty naturally.

However, if you are worried about not getting it right, here are a few simple tips to help you with expressing affection.

1. Give genuine compliments frequently

Everyone loves to get compliments. Some of us even go as far as fishing for them to feel good and boost our self-esteem. Therefore, these should be a part of your regular interactions with your significant other.

It is important to note that compliments should not be restricted only to physical traits but should also include things like achievements and personal characteristics. It is also nice to praise them for doing regular activities well, whether it is cooking or tidying up the living room.

2. Show interest in their interests

Another powerful display of affection is asking questions to define the relationship, (this DT talk). It shows your interest in who they are, what they love, and what makes them different. Ask simple questions about what they are doing, how they are doing it, and how it makes them feel. It will bring you two a lot closer than you could ever imagine.

3. Surprise gifts and treats

The good thing is that you do not have to go broke when making gifts for your partner. You can make a small DIY gift that is cute and sentimental. But if you have deep enough pockets, then there is no problem in going all out to spoil your lady or your man.

For example, you could use the Gift Delivery service offered by AmoLatina to send your partner a beautiful bouquet of flowers or a nice box of chocolates. Or you could try other LDR gifts.

4. Write notes and cheesy love letters

Yep. People still do this in the 21st century, and it works wonders! A simple well-worded note could make a world of difference in your relationship. So give it a try.

If you feel that you have a lot more to say, then make it a letter. The longer and cheesier it is the better it is for you and your relationship. So channel your inner romance novelist and make your partner feel like the most special human being in the world.

5. Make your beau a priority

You might have a busy work schedule or even an active social life, but these should never be an excuse for not spending quality time with your beau, whether online or in real life. You need to intentionally and regularly make them a priority if you want your relationship to not only last but also thrive.

6. Be present when you hang out

It is not enough to just spend time together. You have to make it count! When you hang out, try to stay off your phone and be invested in the conversation.

7. Don’t forget physical affection

Being touchy-feely and hugging, kissing, and cuddling often will keep you close to each other. It ensures that the chemistry doesn’t die out and that both of you get the assurance of mutual attraction.

8. Treat your partner like a king or queen

Every once in a while, it is nice to go out of your way to do something extra for your partner. Bring them breakfast in bed, sponsor a spa day, or whatever other gestures you can think of to make them feel like royalty.

9. Say those three magic words

Finally, do not forget to say I love you. It isn’t enough on its own and must include gestures. However, leaving it out of the equation is criminal, as it is the one thing that set’s your relationship apart from any other casual friendship.

What to do if you are not getting enough love from your partner?

Love in a relationship is all about a healthy balance of giving and taking. And while it is incredibly important that you are generous with your affection, you also have every right to require the same from your partner.

Unfortunately, the ones we love do not always pick up on the subtle and not so subtle clues we drop that we need some loving. This can be incredibly frustrating and really damaging to your mental health! But it can also be very easily fixed.

Here are four simple tips to use if you’re wondering how to tell your partner you need more affection.

Learn how your partner expresses love

Sometimes, it is not that your partner does not love you. He or she probably just has a different way of showing it.

It’s super important that you take the time to get to know exactly what affection means to your partner and how much they are comfortable expressing. Maybe he prefers physical touch and holding hands while you want to be showered with compliments. Maybe he is all about doing you favors, and all you crave is spending time with him. While we are all different in terms of how we love, once you understand your partner’s love language, life becomes infinitely easier.

Make your hints less subtle

Do not ever hesitate to complain if you feel like you are not getting as much affection as you’d like. The people we are with are not always sensitive to our hints. So where subtlety fails, you may have to be upfront and honest.

Let him know that you want to cuddle before bed. Tell her that you really like it when she shows interest in what you love. This might just be the nudge you need to get you in that direction.

Lead by example

If you are not getting the love that you want, relationship expert Elizabeth Stone recommends being the change that you want to see in your relationship. If you want him to hold you, then do not hold back on the physical displays of affection. If you want him to compliment you then drown him in showers of genuine compliments whenever you can. If they love you, they will pick up on this and do the same.

Know when to fold em’

Unfortunately, there are times where a lack of affection and expressing it is proof of the absence of love. And in this case, you need to cut your losses and move on.

If one partner doesn’t show any affection whatsoever, there’s almost no doubt that there is no more love in the relationship. In addition to not showing affection, some partners may go out of their way to show that they don’t love you with their words and action.

If you feel like you are fighting for your love alone, you might want to call it quits for your own sake.


If you paid close attention, you should now know everything there is to know about how to be more affectionate in a relationship.

It is important to remember that these shows of affection should not be once in a blue moon gestures. It is something you should frequently do to reinforce the effects and maintain relationship satisfaction.

Don’t worry; you don’t have to write letters every day or make them breakfast in bed as a daily routine. Unless, of course, you are a real-life unicorn and you want to do it!

Just don’t space out the gestures too much. Strike that perfect balance, and you will keep things golden for a very long time.

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