I love you, but I am not in love with you. This eleven-word combination hits harder than a torpedo. If you have been on the receiving end of it, then you know exactly what I am talking about.
You probably thought that you were done searching and had found someone who was just as into you as you were into them. All the online list-type articles on how to tell whether he or she is in love with you only supported your theories and gut feelings. Then you had this bomb dropped on you.
Well, honey, first of all, you need to know that you did nothing wrong. And neither did the other person.
Confused? Not to worry!
Here is more about the difference between loving and being in love and how to know where you stand with someone you are interested in.
What is love?
Before you jump on his or her neck, calling them a liar for claiming to love you, you need to understand what love means. Knowing this will show you that it is very possible to love a person and not be in love with them. Note that there is a difference between love and crush.
Love can be described in many different ways. It has been branded everything from warm fuzzies feelings to hard evidence actions. Below is a four-part code of respect that essentially combines all these definitions for easier understanding.
Yes, love is a warm fuzzy feeling. The emotional connection makes you happy to see this person and spend time with them. It makes you long to be around them even when you just spent time together.
And guess what, this is not limited just to romantic settings. You probably feel the same about your friends and your family.
A foundation of friendship
A good friendship basis also defines love. That means, all expectations aside, you do care for each other as friends. You share interests and love to hang out together. You goof off together, laugh together, cry together, and are pillars for one another. That is love.
More like family
Another essential defining feature of love is the feeling of a familial connection. In a romantic setting, you and your partner may want to start a family together. In more platonic settings, these people feel as close to you as your actual family members are. So being in that girl’s friend zone might not be the worst thing. At least you know they love you.
The desire to serve and help out
Finally, true love means wanting the best for each other. It is more of an active feeling where you not only want it for them but are willing to do whatever it takes to participate. It could be anything from financial contribution to helping out with physical tasks.
Is there a difference between loving and being in love?
Now we are getting to the good stuff. What is the difference between loving someone and being in love with them? The answer is simple: physical attraction and sexual connection.
When someone is in love with you, they exhibit the four codes of love already highlighted above. However, what sets being in love apart from just love is that there is also an intense sexual attraction.
So when he or she dropped the eleven-word bomb, they meant that they do not see or want you as a sexual partner. However, this does not mean that they do not love and care for you. Got it?
Falling in love all over again
By now, you should understand the simple difference between love and being in love. It might also interest you to know that you can be in love with someone and end up falling out of love with them.
That happens when either the sexual connection or one of the other four summarized definitions of love are compromised. The good news is that there is a lot that you can do to salvage the relationship.
Here is a simple list of seven things to help you fall back in love with each other:
• Let go of the denial and accept that there is a problem.
• Open up about your insecurities and expectations as a couple.
• Be generous and kind to one another.
• Be patient as sometimes love heals itself.
• Focus on meaningful gestures instead of empty grand gestures.
• Reinforce good behavior and positive habits that your partner shows.
• Let go of the past as with will slow you down.
Knowing when to fold them
Finally, it is crucial to know that not all love can be salvaged. Sometimes those eleven dreadful words are a death sentence for your relationship, and you might have to move on. If all your efforts to revive the love and magic seem to have failed, it is time to pack up and let go. It will hurt for a while, but I promise you that you will get over it.