At any one point in our relationships, we have dealt with the question, “Is my relationship okay?” We have doubted that our partners care for us, and have wondered whether we have hit the high season a great romantic voyage. That is fairly common, and not a cause for alarm.
The knowledge that your relationship is on shaky ground is good; it shows that you care and are observant. The true question, then, is how to get it back up. How do you approach your partner and what do you need to ask them to get the restoration going?
Below is a list of questions that are light, yet leading – and if asked in the right setting and in the right way, will help you begin the process of rising again.
How are you?
Common as it may seem, people no longer ask their partners how they are. This simple question can help your partner talk about the frustrations they feel, their recent joys and even whether they feel overwhelmed. Ask this question in a leading yet non-confrontational way and sit back and truly listen to what they have to say. After all, healthy communication is the number one
Is there anything you need?
Acts of service and kindness especially in a marriage are crucial. Simple things like do you need me to lower the volume? Am I disturbing you in the morning or do you need me to get you water? Are questions that show you care and more than that, you are willing to go the extra mile and do something about it?
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Do you feel that something is wrong?
It is easy to assume we are the only ones bothered by the state of the relationship. Asking this question may make you realize that you have both noticed the distance and both of you are looking for solutions.
If your partner does not feel like there is a problem, casually and kindly explain to them why you feel there is a problem. Allow the discussion to go deeper.
Do I seem different to you?
Maybe our partners change when they feel like we are changing as well. Ask your loved one this question in a way that makes it seem like you want to know the answer and not to defend yourself.
If they feel you are different, ask them why and kindly explain yourself.
Is there anything you would like to talk about?
We would be shockedto realize that most people and especially men have a lot to say given the opportunity. In a relaxed setup, ask your lover if they feel they need to talk about something. It does not matter if they want to talk about the weather or football. The atmosphere of openness will allow them to go deeper if they so wish and enable you to steer the conversation in the direction you want.
What can we do differently?
Sometimes it is good to acknowledge that times have changed. How you communicated in the past or lived may be subject to change, which is perfectly fine. Ask your partner if they feel the need to do things differently. If they do, seek new ways that will be amicable for both of you and adopt them.
Do you want us to try something new?
Routines cause monotony. Sometimes all a relationship needs is a little spark. Ask them whether they would like to try something new – chances are, they do. Look for an adventure that will allow both of you to participate while stepping out of your comfort zone. Ultimately even a simple drive to a wine plant may be all you need to rekindle your relationship and create more intimacy.
How is life?
When couples who live alone finally create a family or adopt pets, one party will always feel left out and ignored. If your partner complains of being left out, ask them how they are. Chances are, they miss the old life. Ask about their annoying boss, their friends, their ride home – simple questions that make them feel heard and loved.
What is the hottest couple you know at the moment?
Their definition of what the hottest couple they think will give your insight on how to please them and impress them at the same time. Role-playing may not be such a bad idea after all.
Would you like to have sex? Are you in the mood?
Sexual chemistry is essential in a relationship. Sometimes all you need is the old college try to realize that maybe sexual frustration was all there was.